We're facebook friends in real life
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Never let your siblings swipe right.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
