You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
