I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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