she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
