just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
