Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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