Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
