I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
