if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize