Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
