Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
