ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
