wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
