No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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