She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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