Screwed.edu
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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