I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Congratulations! We have a period
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