Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
