Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
