i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
