i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
