True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm sobbing to NWA
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
