i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
