It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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