This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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