I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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