Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize