i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
