every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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