What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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