Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
