Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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