I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
