nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
