Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
