I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I want a musical about memes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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