peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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