One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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