3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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