im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
