The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
