And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize