Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
