Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
