Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
