The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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