And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize