I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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