So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize