I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
