I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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