just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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