I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
