Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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