put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize