There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
