mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I checked into jail on foursquare
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
