I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
