Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
