You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize