I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
