I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
