at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
