Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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