I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
