I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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