AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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