the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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