I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
