How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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