I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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