I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize