I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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