remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
