i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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