So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
