her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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