Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
