mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
