Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize