don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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