If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I need water and some morals
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
