If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
