The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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