You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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