my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
