i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
