I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
