Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
