bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
