they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
