Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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