like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
