my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm too high and old for this...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
