the day after is always just damage control
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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