i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
