The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
