YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He? As in you personified your dick?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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