My sheets look like a crime scene.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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