Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
