I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
