Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
